The Shippings of Destiny!
by Pegelia Von Borrador
Summary: A deranged fangirl named Sugar learns how to bloodbend, and forces the characters of A:TLA and LoK to ship with everyone and everything. Inanimate objects? Check. Animals? Check. Cabbages? Check. Meta? Check. Let the ultimate shipping wars begin…


**Chapter One - Welcome to Hell**

* * *

"God, don't you just love Fanfiction?" Aang said.

Korra nodded and took a bite from her pizza. "Youjusdongetdisindashow."

"Da fuck?" Toph said.

Korra swallowed. "I said, you don't get this in the show. I didn't know how hot you used to be, Katara!"

"Oh, Korra, you're so sweet," Katara said, with a simpering smile. She lounged back in the giant couch. "Water Tribe!"

"That's my fucking line!" Sokka snapped, as Suki cuddled up to him. Zuko scoffed.

"This is all fucking retarded," Lin grunted.

"Lin! Language!" Tenzin said. "My children are here!"

"Yeah, Lin, keep it together," Pema said, glaring at her.

Lin rolled her eyes. "So many fucks I don't give."

"And it's an open bar!" Bumi I yelled to the room, causing a whole chorus of screams from the entire cast of Avatar: the Last Airbender and Legend of Korra, assembled in the giant warehouse for the First Annual 'Mike and Bryan Want to Show Off Their Brilliance Conference.' "So we can play 'Stab M. Night' all night long!"

The screams were even louder. Longshot immediately shot an arrow right into the giant face of M. Night Shyamalan pinned up by the bar. His face was already unrecognizable from all the daggers, scorch marks, water stains, small rocks, arrows, and lettuce leaves stuck to him. Aang took another big sip of his leechie juice and thought that life truly was incredible.

The lights suddenly flickered.

"Good one, Mechanist!" Sokka called out.

"Uh…wasn't me…" The Mechanist said.

A sinister, girly voice suddenly filled the warehouse. "What's going on here? Oh, my gosh…_oh my gosh_…it's the entire cast of A:TLA and LoK! OH MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH!"

"This can't be good," Mai said.

"Aang, do something Avatar-y!" Katara said.

"Ugh, forget about me, whatever," Korra pouted.

Aang stood up, grabbed his glider and prepared to airbending slice, but he couldn't move. His limbs twisted, and he looked at Katara with fear in his eyes.

"Guys," Katara said, suddenly realizing, "it's blood-"

With a scream, the entire warehouse contorted, arms forced into strange positions as every character lost the ability to move or speak. Aang tried to force himself out, but the bloodbender's grip was strong. Who could be able to do this?

The door blasted open, and Aang almost shat himself in fear.

_It was a fangirl._

She wore a home-made Korra t-shirt. Her frizzy blonde hair was pulled into Katara hair loopies. She had on Kyoshi Warrior makeup that barely covered a forest of pimples. Her skirt looked like Mai's bathing suit, and she had on Kyoshi's giant shoes. Her bag was made from images of Aang's face. When she smiled, a devious little smile, the rubber bands from her braces spelled 'AVATARD'.

"We are so fucked," Toph said.

"Oh my God hi guys oh my God oh my God!" She squealed. "Hi hi hi hi! Oh, it is so good to meet you! When I came wandering through today, I had _no idea_ I would actually find the mysterious 'Bryke Conference'! OH MY GOSH!"

"Okay, little girl," Aang said, mustering up his Avatar voice, "let us go, and I won't have to go all glowy on your ass."

"Oh, no," she said, rubbing her hands together. "You don't understand. I am your _biggest fan_. I have watched both shows over 500 times. I have seen every interview. I am on every Avatar meme page on Facebook. I write fanfiction, I make fanart, I do cosplay. I watched every interview with Bryke until I finally learned how to bloodbend."

"Bullshit!" Katara said. "You have to be able to waterbend to bloodbend!"

"Ah, my dear Katara, you underestimate my power," she said. God, her eyes were so damn evil. "When I say I've watched both shows over 500 times, I mean I've watched them in order. _For days at a time_. I had to learn to waterbend! I had to keep my pee inside me so I didn't have to take a break to go to the bathroom. And I had to learn how to retain water, and when that didn't work, to bend it out of the sink and into my mouth. From there, bloodbending was easy!"

"This doesn't even make _sense_!" Tarrlok yelled.

"_Silence_!" She roared. "My name is Sugar Compton, and you are in my power now!"

"The fuck kind of a name is that?" Sokka muttered.

"What do you want?" Korra yelled.

Sugar grinned and did a little jump. "Oh, it's devious! It's beautiful! It's going to make all of my dreams come true!"

They all closed their eyes and prayed –

"_I'm going to ship you_," she whispered.

And everyone heaved a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God," Aang said. "Everyone, she's just a shipper!" Various murmurs of 'Thank God' resounded.

"Oh, I thought it was going to be way worse," Sokka said. "This is going to be fine. Sorry, sis."

Katara shrugged as much as she could. "I get shipped with everything that breathes. It's all good. I'll take one for the team."

"Okay," Aang said, "So which do you ship, Zutara or Kataang?"

"Neither," Sugar sneered.

Everyone gasped. "_Jetara_?" Aang said, horrified.

"Oh, no," she replied.

"Well, what do you ship?" Aang said. "That's how A:TLA fans work. You're either a Zutara, which means you're popular and rich; Kataang, which means you're nerdy and quirky; or one of the other weird ones, like Jetara or Harutara, which means you probably have no friends and masturbate to porn of King Bumi. How can you ship anything else?"

"It's simple," Sugar said. "I ship _everything_."

"What does that mean?" Aang asked.

Sugar kept grinning. She reached in her Aang bag and pulled out a notebook, decorated with all the signs of the Four Nations and more of Aang's face.

"I ship everything," she repeated. "I have no allegiance. I ship everyone with everyone and everything. I'm considered an outlaw in the A:TLA and LoK communities. No one will talk to me. But now that I have you all, I'm going to make all of my ships come true! Allow me to show you."

She cleared her throat, opened her book, and began to read:

"Toph/Zuko…otherwise known as Toko…"

"Ugh," both parties said.

"Lin/Pema – "

"HELL NO!" Lin screamed.

"Bolin/Cabbage Merchant – "

"BLAAAAH!" Bolin yelled.

"My cabbages!" Cabbage Merchant yelled.

"Korra/Asami's go-cart – "

"That doesn't even make fucking sense!" Korra screamed, while Asami burst into tears.

"Katara/Ostrich horse – "

"Are you kidding me?" Katara barked.

"Pabu/Appa – "

"There's no way that would work!" Aang said, while Pabu immediately hid in Bolin's pants.

"Mai/cactus juice – "

"You know, I'd actually pay to see that," Sokka murmured.

"Zuko/Foamy mouth guy – "

"Aw, fuck you!" Zuko called.

"Yeah, I don't like you," Sugar said. "You are an ass."

"You are the first fangirl who hasn't jizzed and tried to rape me upon meeting me," Zuko said, horror dawning on his face.

"Yeah, I plan to ship you with mostly inanimate objects. Get ready to fuck Sokka's boomerang!"

Zuko hung his head as his newly regained honor fled from him.

"Please, stop!" Aang cried. "We'll do anything! Please don't make us go through that! That's too much pain to be bearable!"

"What can we do to make you stop?" Katara cried.

"Nothing," Sugar said. She pulled up a chair and sat down, leering at them all with her 'AVATARD' mouth. "For years I have languished in the Avatar community, getting derided for my sexual deviancy. For years, fellow Avatards have laughed at me, at my refusal to conform to their mainstream shipping. Now, I shall let all of my shipping fantasies come true, and there is NOTHING any of you can do to stop me!"

"Now," she said, pulling out her little book, "who should we start with…?"

* * *

**Hey guys! Welcome to my deranged world of complete shipping anarchy. There's not gonna be any storyline; just every chapter, different shippings :] Try to keep it PG-13, no guarantees. Please tell me what you think! And I do take suggestions/requests :) Love y'all! - PVB**


End file.
